The Sequel To What Did You Expect
by A-kun
Summary: This is a PARODY, NOTHING INSIDE IS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!


Scenes we'd _LOVE_ to see.....  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ranma 1/2  
  
Ryouga glomped onto Akane.  
"AKANE-CHAN!!!" Ryouga cried happily.  
Akane sputtered and tried to shove Ryouga away. Suddenly, Ranma burst into the room, glowing red.  
"Ranma! It's not what it looks like-" Akane began to sputter out.  
"AAAAAKAAAAAANNEEEEEE!! HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH RYOUGA!! AKANE NO BAKA!!!" Ranma yelled, pulling out a mallet and flattening Akane.  
  
o_o  
  
"MOUSSE! I LOVE YOU!! MOOOOUUUUSSSEE!" Shampoo cried.  
*BOOM**CRUNCH**THUD**WHUMP**POW*  
Shampoo found herself on the ground staring up at an angry-looking Mousse.  
"Mousse very busy cooking now." Mousse repled, splashing Shampoo and stuffing her into the cat carrier.  
  
o_O  
  
"RANMA! YOU PERVERT!!!" Happosai yelled, jumpkicking Ranma down and snatching away Ranma's 'haul'.  
"GIVE THOSE BACK, YOU OLD PUNK!" Ranma snarled, swinging at Happosai.  
  
O_o  
  
Ukyou looked at Ryouga's pathetic body which had been imbedded in the wall.  
"Tsk, tsk, Ryouga. You should know by now that you can't beat Ranchan." Ukyou said.  
Ukyou looked at the Lost Boy's bandanna and a curious thought crossed her mind as she idly tugged at her favored hair-ribbon.  
  
ONE WEEK LATER...  
  
"KAMI DAMMIT!! WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!!?" Ukyou yelled.  
On instinct, she turned her head and saw a huge sign that read "RYOUGA'S". She walked in to see Ryouga Hibiki cooking up some okonomiyaki.  
"Hey, Ukyou. Come on in." Ryouga said, smiling cheerfully.  
"AKANE, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!" Ukyou shouted to the sky.  
  
O_O  
  
"Sasuke! Sasuke!!" Kodachi yelled.  
"Yes, Mistress?" Sasuke, the ever-faithful manservant, asked as he appeared behind her.  
"You forgot your bonus for this week..." Kodachi said, handing him a large wad of 10000 yen bills.  
"And have fun on your month-long vacation in Europe!" Tatewaki said, shooing the ever-faithful manservant out the door.  
  
o_o  
  
Ranma-chan cursed. Not only had that last pervert martial-artist snatched her shirt, but she had been splashed with cold water too.  
"Here ya go, Ranma." Tatewaki Kuno said, handing Ranma-chan the shirt she had lost.  
"Kuno? How'd you get my shirt back?" Ranma-chan inquired, slightly curious as to why Tatewaki wasn't glomping her as she put her shirt on.  
"Oh, that weirdo? You don't have to worry about him anymore." Tatewaki said, grinning a bit.  
Ranma-chan blinked. Her best techniques hadn't worked much on the guy and Kuno had beaten the crap out of him?  
"Um, how can I thank you?" Ranma-chan asked.  
"Hey, that's what friends are for." Tatewaki said.  
  
o_O  
  
"Heeeeeere, turkey-turkey-turkey-turkey!" Kasumi called, waving a blade that made Cloud's from FF7 look like a toothpick.  
The turkeys screamed and tried to get away, but Kasumi began waving the blade around as she chased them.  
  
O_o  
  
Nerima Fried Green Tomatos  
  
"Kasumi, I'll handle the cooking tonight." Akane said, cheerfully.  
"Not on your life." Kasumi replied.  
Akane blinked.  
"I'll let Nabiki touch my kitchen before I let YOU mess it up again. Or have you forgotten that little explosion last week? Or the phoenix that was eaten by your so called 'Pot Roast'? Or how about that soul-sucking demon that you conjured up while trying to make giblets? Mike Loader was right, you're just too much of a freak to let live." Kasumi said, hefting her mail-order claymore.  
"Mike Loader didn't say that!" Akane exclaimed.  
"Well, not in as many words and it's a bit hidden in his works, but not if you look for it!!!!" Kasumi said, lunging at Akane.  
  
LATER....  
  
"Mmmmm, these ribs are excellent, Kasumi. What's your secret?" Ranma asked, before getting up to look for Akane again. She'd been missing since she declared she was going to cook tonight.  
"The secret's in the sauce, sheriff. The secret's in the sauce." Kasumi commented.  
"I'm not a sheriff." Ranma responded before wandering off with his pants around his ankles.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Evangelion  
  
Misato looked at the latest Angel in horror.  
"God, it's using such a famous character as it's form." Misato said in utter horror.  
She spun to Makoto.  
"DEPLOY ALL EVAS!" Misato demanded.  
The Evas launched and reached the surface. They warily approached the Angel.  
"IT'S NO USE! THE ANGEL HAS PUT UP IT'S D.P. FIELD!" Maya cried.  
"NO! AS LONG AS THAT FIELD'S UP-" Ritsuko cried.  
"They can't get near that Angel." Misato said in horror.  
*SWAT* *SWAT*  
"EVA 2 AND EVA 3 ARE DOWN!" Maya cried.  
*SWAT* *SWAT* *SWAT *SWAT*  
"GOD! IT JUST TOOK OUT EVA 1 AND THE ENTIRE EVA 5 SERIES!" Makoto cried.  
*SWAT* *SWAT*  
"EVA 0 JUST COLLAPSED!" Makoto yelled.  
Eva 3 went berserk and began tearing away at the D.P. field. Suddenly, the Angel launched another attack.  
*CRUNCH* *THUD*  
Eva 3 crashed to the ground with something in it's mouth.  
"That's-" Misato gasped.  
Evangelion Unit 1 rolled to it's feet and launched itself at the Angel.  
*CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *THUD*  
Eva 1 crashed to the ground much like Unit 3 had.  
"Nothing beats a Vlasic Pickle!" the stork-Angel decreed, lowering it's Dill Pickle Field.  
  
O_o  
  
"Misato, tell me something..." Shinji began.  
Misato turned to the fourteen year old boy, who had just been tramuatized by seeing the truth about NERV and Rei, and wondered what he might have to ask.  
"Yes, what is it?" Misato asked.  
"Why are Asuka's panties on your head? And why are you holding my boxers and grinning like an idiot?" Shinji asked.  
  
O_O  
  
"Kaworu, before I kill you, I have just one thing to ask you!" Shinji said.  
"Yes?" Kaworu Nagisa replied.  
"That dish you made, preheat the oven to 375 or 425?" Shinji asked.  
  
o_O  
  
"FATHER!!!!" Shinji screamed.  
"No, Shinji, not like that."  
"Oh, okay..." Shinji responded.  
Shinji composed himself again.  
"FATHER!!!!" Shinji bellowed.  
"Noooo, still not right."  
"FATHER!!!!" Shinji yelled.  
"Uh-uh. That's not it either."  
"FATHER!!!!" Shinji shrieked like a girl.  
"That's not funny!"  
"FATHER!!!!" Shinji howled, releasing the soul-rending cry.  
"Nope, that's not it either."  
"FAAAAAAAAAATHHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! *HIC*" Shinji yelled in a fake drunken fit.  
"THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT!!"  
"Whew! Well, do I get the part?" Shinji asked.  
"Yes, Shinji, you can have the part." Hikari answered.  
"Well, I better work on the original line then." Shinji answered, before letting out a drunken yell of "STELLA!!"  
  
o_o  
  
"Kaworu, before I kill you, I have just one thing to ask you!" Shinji said.  
"Yes?" Kaworu Nagisa replied.  
"I just HAVE to know. Boxers or briefs?" Shinji inquired.  
  
o_O  
  
Evangelion Unit 1 stood at it's full height. Then, it drew in a deep breath and let out a noise that made the ground tremble and broke windows for miles.  
"COOOOLL!!" Kensuke and Touji yelled from their hiding place roughly a mile away as their hair was blown straight back.  
Evangelion Unit 2 stood at it's full height as well. It drew in a deep breath and let out a similiar noise. The ground shook even more violently and more windows broke.  
Evangelion Unit 1 stood at it's full height again and repeated it's action, only taking in an even deeper breath. The ground shook violently, windows broke and car alarms went off.  
[Damn! Shinji's beating me!] Asuka thought.  
"HA! BEAT THAT ONE, ASUKA!" Shinji taunted.  
"Okay, I will!" Asuka said, moving her Eva's hand to the giant soda can.  
Her Eva chugged, then let out a slightly more powerful belch. Shinji reached for his Eva's can. This contest wasn't over by a long shot...  
  
O_o  
  
"Kaworu, before I kill you, I have just one thing to ask you! And _THIS_ time, you HAVE to answer!" Shinji said.  
"Yes?" Kaworu Nagisa replied.  
"What's the chaffing dish you gave me for?" Shinji demanded.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------Sailor Moon  
  
"Wise man!" Rubeus called.  
"What is it, you silly weirdo-type?" the Wise Man asked, appearing.  
"Where's the next Crystal point?" Rubeus inquired, trying to ignore the Wise Man's crack because the Wise Man was currently mooning him.  
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of STARBUCKS!" the Wise Man taunted.  
Rubeus only had so much patience.  
"WISE MAN! TELL ME WHERE THE NEXT CRYSTAL POINT IS!" Rubeus roared.  
"In that direction," the Wise Man said, waving his hand in a random direction before adding, "Now, go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"  
"YOU CAME HERE!!!" Rubeus bellowed before getting a crystal pedestal to the back of the head.  
"SHUT UP!!! WE'RE TRYING TO GET SOME BEAUTY REST!!!" Catsy yelled before storming out of phase and back to her room.  
  
o_O  
  
"Oh, sacred fire... show me.... who is behind... the conspiracy of socks disappearing in dryers..." Rei asked, praying.  
Suddenly, Bill Gates's face appeared.  
"AH-HA! I ALWAYS THOUGHT SO!" Rei declared.  
  
O_O  
  
Ami sighed. Usagi was lost as usual.  
"Look, Usagi, why don't I just tell you the answer?" Ami asked.  
"Okay, what is it?" Usagi asked.  
"X=32, Y=49, Z=2.65." Ami replied.  
"No, Y=48.85 and Z=2.75, Ami." Usagi corrected.  
Ami blinked.  
"How did you know that?" Ami asked.  
"Oh, my mom's always telling me about stuff like this. In fact, Friday, she's releasing six new chemicals that could revolutionize the world." Usagi said.  
  
"....these new chemicals are environmentally safe." Mrs. Tsukino said.  
The press and scientific community were flabbergasted. That such chemicals were so simple and easy to make astounded them. And that they had had the technology to do it for years! Centuries, even! And that the sources of the chemicals were so universal!  
After the press managed to collect their wits, a reporter raised his hand to ask a question.  
"Yes?" Mrs. Tsukino asked.  
"I was just wondering, with these new chemicals revolutionizing the world, what with the ability to stop our dependence on oil refineries, coal mines, forests of any kind, nuclear energy, weight loss clinics, fast food resturaunts and gyms, what are you going to do next?" the reporter asked.  
"Well, first, I'm going to figure out where all the people who are now out of jobs can go, then I'm going to find out who the Sailor Senshi are. Other than that, the rest of my schedule is going to be left open so I can deal with various assassins that the industries are no doubt going to send my way." Mrs. Tsukino said, cracking her knuckles and busting the face of an assassin that had already been sent.  
  
O_o  
  
"I CAN'T SENSE ANYTHING!" Ami cried, looking at her visor's readings.  
"Oh, give me that!" Minako said, snatching the Mercury computer from Ami's hands.  
Minako hit a single button and gave it back to Ami.  
"There!" Minako said.  
"Oh, for the sake of the Kamis, the weakness is the huge honkin' ruby on it's forehead." Makoto said.  
"The weakness is the huge ruby on it's forehead." Ami said, immediately after Makoto.  
  
o_o  
  
"USAAAAGIIIIIII! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEEEEEEEEAN?!" Rei cried, tears flowing down her face.  
  
._.  
  
"Chibi-Usa! This is no time for one of your little fits!" Usagi said, slapping Chibi-Usa across the face.  
"Usagi! Usagi!" Ami said, shaking Usagi and pulling her away from Chibi-Usa, before adding, "I'll handle this!"  
Ami lunged at Chibi-Usa, slapping her.  
"Ami! Ami! Get a hold of yourself!" Rei said, dragging Ami away.  
Rei began slapping Chibi-Usa.  
"Rei, you've got a phone call. I'll take over here." Jadeite said.  
Rei left as Jadeite began slapping Chibi-Usa. We pull back to see a long line of Senshi, Youma, Cardians, Daemons, Fanfic Writers, Beryl, Otaku, Keener, Droidos, bored people off the street, people who thought it was a preppy rich boy they were going to beat up, people thinking it was a KISS or a METALLICA concert ticket line, all carrying various utensils of pain.  
(We apologize for the last skit. No Keeners were harmed in the filming of this skit. Although, we did try to fold him the long way once, but he didn't fit in the glove box.)  
  
============================================================================  
Revolutionary Girl Utena  
  
"Do you know, do you kno-WWHOOOOOOOOO!" The first girl screamed as she felt an icy cold hand latch onto her butt.  
  
O_o  
  
The second girl, Chu-Chu's lover, "Oh, I can't get enough monke-... mous-....... what the hell is he anyway?"  
"Chu!" Chu-Chu replied with an Oxford accent.  
  
O_O  
  
"Do you know, do you kno-WWHOOOOOOOOO!" The first girl screamed as she felt an icy cold hand latch onto her butt.  
She fell out the window and plummeted to her death, taking the second girl with her.  
"Aw man. Guess I'll blow up the school." J. Random Student said.  
  
o_o  
  
Saiyonji blinked. She couldn't have! No way! How could a girl who came out of nowhere... He fell to his back, gasping, panting, wheezing, hacking and coughing up blood. Utena looked down with concern.  
"What's his problem?" Utena asked.  
"I think he needs his pudding cup, Utena." Wakaba suggested.  
"Too bad. I stole it fair and square." Utena answered. :)  
  
O_o  
  
Saiyonji and Utena's swords clashed. They gritted their teeth and slashed at each other again. Utena knew Saiyonji was forcing her back. It was only a matter of time. Suddenly, her right foot struck the platform where the choir was singing "Destiny Apocalypse", sending them off the platform to their deaths.  
  
o_O  
  
Saiyonji and Utena's swords clashed. They gritted their teeth and slashed at each other again. Utena knew Saiyonji was forcing her back. It was only a matter of time. Then, Saiyonji motioned behind Utena. She glanced back, then, with a nod, they both swung their arms and double-punched the 1-800-CALL-ATT guy with the hilts of their swords, sending him flying off the platform to a convienently placed meat-grinder below.  
  
O_O  
  
Utena ducked as Miki slashed at her. Miki wound up slashing a Packers Fan in half. Both agreed that there was no loss of human life.  
  
o_o  
  
Saiyonji and Utena's swords clashed. They gritted their teeth and slashed at each other again. Utena knew Saiyonji was forcing her back. It was only a matter of time. Suddenly, Utena spotted something behind Sayonji. He looked and saw it. They both slashed, hacking the cursed flying rat aka. Pidgeon into thousands of pieces before cleaning off their blades and heading out to have a beer.  
  
._.  
  
"Power of Dios within me, awake and heed your master's command." Anthy bent backwards as light spilled out of her.  
"Grant me the power of a six-pack of BEER!" Saiyonji cried as he drew forth a six-pack of Dios Brand (tm) beer.  
Anthy, Utena and Saiyonji had a rocking dorm party afterwards. Everyone who was anyone was there. Cher, Milton Bradley, Walt Disney, Elvis, George Washington (having come back to life just for this party), Chairman Mao, Vanilla Ice's career, the Beastie Boys, and of course, TharzZzDunN.  
  
============================================================================  
Slayers  
  
"Hehehehe... this is going to be cool..." Naga said.  
"Yeah, we're going get wasted..." Lina said.  
"FIRE! FIRE! COOL! COOL!" Amelia said.  
  
o_O  
  
"Dance, puppet!" Rezo declared, forcing his will on Zelgadis.  
Zelgadis began moshing. Then, as groovy music began playing, everyone else began moshing too. Then, Rezo tried to do that dive on the crowd where they use their hands to keep you up, but everyone in the room deliberately moved out of the way, even shoving other people away, leaving Rezo to slam face-first onto the hard concrete which was suddenly littered with broken glass, cat droppings, and random spare body parts (pierced and tattooed, of course). Then the crowd swept back over him in their golf shoes.  
  
_  
  
"Oh my GAWD! THEY KILLED REZO!!!" Zelgadis howled.  
"YOU BASTARD!" Gourry shrieked, pointing at Lina.  
  
o_o  
  
"Introducing Rezo Kopii 3!"  
"Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh! Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh! This is gonna be cool."  
"And Rezo Kopii 4!"  
"Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! COOL! COOL! FIRE! FIRE!"  
"And for this skit only, the ORIGINAL Rezo!"  
Shaburnigdo stomped on stage.  
"WHAT?!" Shabbie demanded.  
"Hotcha! Shake it, baby!"  
Shabbie turned green.  
"URG! I THINK..... THAT... FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALL.... MY MILLENIA, I'M GOING TO BE VIOLENTLY ILL!!" Shabbie declared.  
  
O_O  
  
"HAHAHAHA!!!' Eris laughed as the page of the Clair Bible floated closer and closer to the slot, where it would resurrect the Great Mazoku Zannifar.  
"Hey, Eris!" Gourry yelled.  
"What is it?" Eris demanded.  
"Here's a special technique that I developed. POPPA-CAP-IN-YO-A$$!!!" Gourry yelled, using his Sword of Light to fire in a miniature beam of light.  
Eris blinked, then felt a stabbing pain in her butt. She yelped and promptly plummetted to her death.  
  
;;;o.O;;;  
  
"Must..... stop..... Eris....." Lina yelped out as she ran from Gourry.  
She cast Levitation and flew up at Eris again. Gourry, unable to reach her, decided to go play poker with a pair of magic gloves. Eris was about to succeed when Lina found her again.  
Lina grit her teeth. This wasn't her first choice in any situation, but she needed to distract Eris. And to keep the Great Mazoku Zannifar from being resurrected, she'd have to sacrafice her dignity.  
"EEEEEERIIIIIISSSSSS-CHAAAAAAAN!" *GLOMP*  
"L-l-l--lina!! I feel so cheap!" Eris responded.  
  
_  
  
*WHACK*  
"AAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEE!!!"  
*WHACK*  
"AAAAAAAIIIIEEE!!"  
*WHACK*  
"AAAAIIIEEE!!"  
*THWAP* *THUD*  
"DAMMIT, GOURRY! Pick up that damned leather paddle and get back to work!" Lina snarled.  
"But Lina, my arms are really sore!" Gourry whined.  
"Well, if you know of a better way to get rid of her annoying laugh, I'd like to hear it!" Lina snapped.  
  
._.  
  
"IN THE NAME OF SAIRAAG, I SHALL PUNISH YOU!" Sailor Sylpheel declared.  
"WWHOAAA! Sylpheel looks pretty hot in black leather, but I wonder where she got the whip." Gourry commented.  
  
O_o  
  
"Lina... I think I love you..."  
"Ooooooh, when I get my hands on Martina, she is SO dead!" Lina said, trying to pry herself free of Naga, Amelia and Sylpheel.  
  
*_*  
  
"Dance, puppet!" Rezo declared, forcing his will on Zelgadis.  
Suddenly, Zelgadis began doing a silly scottish jig.  
"Nooooo! Not like tha-AAAACK!!" Rezo began before getting Lina's sword through his head.  
*THUD*  
  
o_O  
  
"Must..... stop..... Eris....." Lina yelped out as she ran from Gourry.  
She cast Levitation and flew up at Eris again. Gourry, unable to reach her, decided to go play poker with a pair of magic gloves. Eris was about to succeed when Lina found her again.  
Lina grit her teeth. This wasn't her first choice in any situation, but she needed to distract Eris. And to keep the Great Mazoku Zannifar from being resurrected, she'd have to sacrafice her dignity.  
"EEEEEERIIIIIISSSSSS-CHAAAAAAAN!" *GLOMP*  
"Mmmmmmm...." Eris responded.  
[Uh-oh.... backfired...] Lina thought to herself.  
"Why do you think I fell for Rezo?" Eris answered.  
"HEY!" Kopii Rezo said.  
  
+_+  
  
"All right, Amelia, you made the bet, pony up." Zelgadis declared.  
"This isn't right! Mr. Zelgadis, you shouldn't do this!" Amelia said.  
"Hey, I don't care. Just give me what I won." Zelgadis said, drooling slightly.  
Amelia sighed and opened her shirt and pulled out... a leather pouch and handed it to Zelgadis.  
"WHOOOO!! What man wouldn't go for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition!!" Zelgadis said, drooling.  
  
o_o  
  
"OH NO! MARTINA PUT A CURSE ON ME!" Gourry cried, "MUST..... DROP.... PANTALOONS!"  
Lina, Zelgadis and Amelia blinked as they saw a smiley face on Gourry's butt.  
"Wow, that's not a bad rendition of Rezo." Lina said.  
"I don't know, it looks like he used too much purple for the hair." Zelgadis commented.  
"And doesn't he look a bit puffy to you guys?" Amelia asked.  
Gourry hummed the Star Spangled Banner while waving his fanny in the air.  
  
._.  
  
"Dance, puppet!" Rezo declared, forcing his will on Zelgadis.  
Suddenly, Zelgadis began doing the Can-Can with the music starting up mysteriously in the background.  
"Nooooo! Not LITERALLY, you ninny! And not tha-AAAACK!!" Rezo began before getting Lina's sword through his head.  
*THUD*  
  
  
O_O  
  
"LINA INVERSE..." came the voice of Shaburnigdo.  
Lina, Gourry and Zelgadis turned suddenly to see the form of Shaburnigdo, the same one that Lina had just blown away with a Giga Slave no more than half an hour ago.  
"Wha-wha-what?!" Lina babbled.  
"I JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING THAT YOU SHALL ALWAYS KEEP IN YOUR MEMORY." Shaburnigdo declared.  
"What's that?" Lina asked, her wits having just begun to recollect.  
"CHECK OUT MY SCHLONG! HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH!!" Shaburnigdo decreed.  
  
%_%  
  
"Hehehehe... this is going to be cool..." Xelloss said.  
"Yeah, we're going get wasted..." Zangulus said.  
"FIRE! FIRE! COOL! COOL!" Zelgadis said.  
  
_  
  
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!!! You dare challenge Naga The White Serpent? Foolish boy, you will surely fall before the might of The Great Naga!!! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOO!!!" Naga ranted/boasted to the white-haired man before her.  
"Incredible, she's vibrating the teeth right out of my head, and my +e$+icles are about to follow! This is the last time Yoko is talking me into one of these shopping trips to pick up her favorite filthy manga!" Dark Schneider muttered under his breath. "Look sister, if your powers were nearly as impressive as your +!+$, I wouldn't be standing here holding this purse, and you wouldn't have toilet paper stuck to your butt!"  
  
============================================================================  
Pokemon  
  
"Pika-pika-pikachu-chu-pi-pika-pi-chu-pikachu!" Pikachu cried, taking up a Sailor Moon-esque pose.  
Ash blinked and wondered where Pikachu got a Sailor Fuku his size.  
  
================================================================  
  
Well, this one is shorter than the first, but then again, it IS a sequel. The next sequel hasn't even been thought of, but if anyone has anything to add to this, feel free to send the ideas my way with the subject tag as: [Idea Addition] Sequel to Scenes.  
My e-mail address is: akun15@hotmail.com  
  
A-kun  
?????  
TharzZzDunN  
A-chan  
C-chan  
Huh? 


End file.
